You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
