where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
