Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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