never play flip cup with pint glasses
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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