Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
