I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
