Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
