Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
