Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
should my penis look like a turkey
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
