if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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