I can tuck mytits in my pants
one two three fourrrrnication!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
