paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
