I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
