I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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