"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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