my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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