the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think im going to throw up on grandma
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
