they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
