I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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