In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
