he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
