peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
being pregnant is like rehab
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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