just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
