Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
