There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
