Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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