So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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