In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
