google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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