Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
