3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
