Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
zippers are such a cool invention
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
