Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
