He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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