Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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