I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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