pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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