Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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