I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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