Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
