he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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