Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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