haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
