pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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