I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As shirtless as possible
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
