No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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