At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
