also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
