accomplished twins. life is a go
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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