My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
