he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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