they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize