Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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