You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
