Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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