dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
