I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
