Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
