Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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