And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
